For those about to shock ...
But as much as I enjoyed the show, there was one thing that would have improved it: if every time I got bored or annoyed I could have given the offending skater(s) an electric shock. Granted, it might be inadvisable to arm an entire hockey arena full of frazzled parents with shock buzzers during a show like “Finding Nemo on Ice” — by the end of the 90 minutes the entire cast might be lying on the ground wiggling like freshly landed carp.
Now, I don’t bring up this idea because I’m some sort of twisted nutcase. That’s a completely separate issue. I bring it up because there’s actually a precedent for it: In Brazil, a new one-man play allows audiences to shock the performer via electrodes that respond to any and all audience noises. It’s called “Regurgitofagia,” which may or may not be Portuguese for, “Stop Clapping, Already!”
In an age when it’s generally acknowledged that there’s no such thing as an original idea, this strikes me as a brilliant concept. After all, as the playwright and performer in question, Michel Melamed, told Ananova.com, “The true theater has to be innovative and has to raise questions.” Which is fairly eloquent for someone who must end each performance smelling like freshly cooked bacon.
Personally, I’m amazed that no one has thought of this before — it’s truly the last frontier of live entertainment, and one that’s bound to catch on. Because let’s face it: The average consumer of popular entertainment, just off the top of his head, could probably name dozens of people he’d like to zap on a regular basis. And that’s just on “Fear Factor.”
Think of the practical applications of giving the audience shock capability:
* Local news programs: “It started out as a pleasant diversion, but things quickly turned horrific for the spectators at an air show in rural Yaaaaaaaaghhh!”
* Sporting events: “They counted us out before the season even started, but I’ll tell you Bob, this team always seems to find a way to Yaaaaaaaaghhh!”
* Rock concerts: “Cleveland — are you ready to Yaaaaaaaaghhh!”
* Nighttime talk shows: “Welcome back to Larry King Live. We’re here with talking about the North Korean nuclear crisis with Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, Court TV’s Nancy Grace, Bill Maher and my good friend, Sharon Yaaaaaaaaghhh!” Etc.
I realize it would be harder to do with taped events, given you wouldn’t have the immediate gratification of seeing the subject of your ire react to the shocks, but I think we’d still all sleep easier knowing that somewhere out there, the cast of “North Shore” is doing the 90-volt jig with its tan self.
At the very least, you’d think the thought that they could be subject to painful electric shocks might inspire the people in the entertainment industry to make more movies and TV programs that are thoughtful, intelligent and, yes, entertaining. Left to their own devices I’m afraid they’re just going to keep making “Boogeyman” again and again, and then go out for beers and laugh at us.
All that being said, though, I realize Shock-O-Vision might never garner mainstream acceptance. But it seems to me even incremental steps would be welcome. For instance, if we could at least hook up the electrodes to the guys hawking those $16 “Finding Nemo on Ice” flashlights, that would be a good start.