Taking the trainer
suggestion personally
I’ll admit I’m not sure how to react to this. While anything that encourages physical activity among youngsters is certainly commendable, a personal trainer seems a bit much — I mean, once you’ve given in on that one, how long will it be before they’ve convinced you to hire them a butler? These kids may be lazy, but they’re devious.
Personally, before I consider hiring a personal trainer I’m going to have to think long and hard about whether my kids really need one. In the case of my 2-year-old, I’d be hesitant to label as “physically inactive” any kid who can run multiple laps around a dining room table without showing any signs of fatigue or nausea. Unlike myself, for whom joining in the same activity inevitably ends with having to sit on the stairs breathing into a paper bag.
That’s not to mention my kids’ ability to, when working in concert, knock me down on the living room rug and smother me, an activity that, if it occurred in a fraternity setting, would probably qualify as hazing.
On the other hand, there’s really no physical activity that can’t be halted in its tracks by flicking on the TV, at which point they stop and back slowly onto the couch, transfixed by its eerie glow. It’s like it exudes some other-worldly force; I’m still waiting for the day that Weezie from “Dragon Tales” orders them to board a spaceship for transport to the dilithium crystal mines.
And therein lies the problem. Researchers consistently tie childhood obesity to excessive television viewing, saying that not only does it keep kids from physical activity, it actually slows down their metabolism. (If they happen to be eating a bag of Cheetos at the time, that doesn’t help either.) About the only thing TVs don’t do is actually transmit fat cells into the body, although I’m sure Sony will figure that out eventually.
I suppose one solution is just to get rid of our televisions. I always marvel at the people who insist that their families don’t watch TV — clearly these are parents who’ve gotten together and decided, although it will take much determination and willpower, to lie to everyone they know.
Because let’s face it, there are no parents who are actually keeping their kids entirely away from television. OK, I read that Madonna does that, but she probably forces her nanny to keep them occupied by acting out classic children’s novels, like “Anne of Green Gables.” For most of us, a little TV is part of life; I watched my fair share growing up, and look how I turned out. That’s right, pudgy and exhausted.
But do we really need personal trainers to drag our kids off the couch? Can’t we just take them out in the back yard, or to the park? Maybe the experts are concerned that while those activities may be “fun,” they don’t, as one trainer described his regimen to the Boston Herald, “teach kids how to move properly and powerfully through space.” Which is ideal, if you’d like your child to grow up to be the Millennium Falcon.
Still, who am I to buck the tide? As soon as my kids are old enough, I guess I’m going to have to go about setting them up with a personal trainer, just like we’ve done with their personal chefs, chauffeurs, social directors, haberdashers and hygiene specialists.
Also known as mom and dad. I figure if I start practicing now, in a few years I’ll be able to train them without having to use the paper bag.